Woman's inhumanity to Woman

Today being International Women’s day is a good day to say to my fellow Nigerian women, “Please be nice to one another” I say Nigerian because I experience Woman’s inhumanity to Woman almost daily here in Nigeria.

I will never understand why women are so nasty to each other in everything, when it comes to driving, women are so mean to themselves, it’s like there is a point to prove. “I can drive better than you”. A woman will never allow another woman to get in front of her in a traffic jam; on the other hand, the one trying to get in may even find it hard to ask nicely. From the attitude exhibited by a driver, I am able to say if it is a man or a woman.

I was at a function recently and the host took me herself to get some potato salad from the serving point, the caterer, after serving me, said to me very rudely, “Madam, please my plate oh” I couldn’t understand why she had to say that, was I going to eat the plate as well?

If you meet a fellow woman at a job interview, your heart starts to beat very fast, because you are not sure if she will be unbiased.

Women are the only creatures who wait for the other person to say hello first, “she was waiting for me to greet her, imagine that, of course, I ignored her, trust me” then the woman listener hails her, gives her a high five and says, “You go girl” When she sees the other woman, she says like she’s concerned, “Why did you ignore my friend the last time?” “Oh she couldn’t get over it, she was so hurt”. Then the gossip starts.

The chameleon has got nothing on the women when it comes to changing colours. This minute, they are encouraging you and telling you that you can do it, the next minute, she is talking about you to another person and saying how you think you are all that.

I vied for the position of Vice President of Law Students Association in my undergraduate days, I felt it was a done deal; I had girlfriends who would stick by me. Imagine my shock on the first day of my campaign and my girlriends who should lead thecampaign trail acted like they did not know who I was. It has been over fifteen years but I still remember.

Tell a woman your secret and the next day she starts acting funny because she has a weapon against you. I always tell women that there are secrets you take to your grave, if you must tell, please bring your dog, if you don’t have one, find a stray dog and tell your secret to that dog. You are safer and happier that way.

You see a nice dress on your colleague in the office, you pay compliment and ask where you can get the dress, and she hides the details from you, tells you she bought it the last time she went to Australia. Yea, right!

It takes only one spoken word to end a decade of friendship with a woman.

Jealousy among women has eaten deep into our souls. I had a friend who never paid compliment even when I paid her compliments. If I wore heels, she would say, “you can hardly work in those” if I wore sports shoes, she would say “are you training for the Olympics?”  I f I wore a nice dress, she would say “where did you steal this lovely dress from?” It used to be funny till I realised she never said anything nice to me and I had to tell her to stop.

Once, a beautiful friend of mine put up a lovely picture of herself on one of the social media platforms, I looked at the picture but did not make a comment. When she asked why I did not comment on her picture, I realised that there was absolutely no reason. That is what jealousy looks like.

Only a few women will help other woman become successful, when some do, it could be for self gratification, I understand the men when they ask for something in return – you have what they need, sadly, they are wired that way but what do you give your fellow woman in return?

Women bosses are almost always a nightmare, a bad one is always very bad, they talk down on their staff and sometimes intentionally or unintentionally put a strain on your marriage, if you are married.

Women keep screaming “Equal Rights” and I say equal rights with whom? The men? Some women themselves even feel superior to other women. First achieve equality for all women before you move to equality with men. Truth be told, Men and Women are not equal! One is superior, please don’t ask me which.

Some older women are rude to the younger women especially in places of worship, social functions and in the families. Old age is not a license to be impolite. Experience shows me that the old men are nicer than the old women.

I can go on and on discussing "Woman’s inhumanity to Woman" but I also want acknowledge that there are very good women out there. Women are extremists; when they are bad, they are very bad, and when they are good they are extremely good.

The good ones make extremely good wives, mothers, bosses and friends.  I have come to the realisation that the ugly women are usually the bad ones; they may be pretty, yet very ugly inside for beauty comes from the soul.

The beautiful ones are usually very sweet, nice and polite. On a recent holiday, I met a very beautiful woman, when she was introduced to me, I remember thinking to myself, “How can one person be this beautiful?” beautiful face, lovely skin, good height and very well endowed in the right places. When she opened her mouth, it was like an angel singing. The first thing she said to me was, “Oh! You are so beautiful” of course I felt really flattered and I did not believe her but I learnt something. If this tremendously beautiful woman could tell me I was beautiful, thereby making me very happy, then I had a duty to also make every woman I met very happy by saying something really nice to the person.

When you say a kind word to a woman, you could be helping her heal from hurt. So many women are going through challenges or a challenge,  sickness, childlessness, low income, domestic violence, sick husband, sick child/children, sick parent/parents, overweight, betrayal from friends or family, troublesome inlaws, bad bosses, lack of sex(konji), problem child/children,  loneliness, (yet to be married) loneliness (legal/illegal absentee husband), e.t.c.

Today I do not only celebrate women, I change from the woman I was to a woman worthy of celebration, I will say hello first, I will be particularly nicer to road users who are women, I will not talk down on a woman, I will pay compliments, I will hug a woman tightly and show love. I will not listen to any gossip. I will not respond when I am angry and I will help a woman in need.



  1. A good one! Happy Women's Day to you too!

  2. Nice job Amaka. For the last 27 years I am always saying hello to you, complimenting you, keeping secrets, taking a back seat to your beauty... when will it be my turn???LOL

    Anyway jokes aside, you know I am all about female empowerment and changing minds one at a time. I am a firm believer that a woman's strength, resilience, love, kindness, support, endurance, etc. is like no other. Sisterhood all the way! Happy International Women's Day!

    Let's keep the big picture in mind. Let us not bring one another down, but remember that there is room for all of us, and that we matter. It does not always feel like that and at times we succumb to pressure, but we can start by honestly supporting one another and being good sisters, good friends and confidants.

    Thoughts and feedback welcome! How can we begin our movement of female harmony?

    1. Hi Adaobi. We were classmates in primary school. Do you still love chewing gum?

  3. Great piece..be kind to everyone,

  4. Women can be the source of one another's sorrows. When a lady is having an emotional affair with her friend's husband, what do you call it? EMPOWERMENT? Definitely not!
    Some women are egoistic, lack conscience and are silent killers.
    The good news is that there are a few who transcend these.
    Yes, I use few given the population of women in the world.
    Let us all leave secularism and genuinely show love to one another. Genuine love should not be on the pages of newspaper or other social media. 1Cor13 tells us what LOVE is. We can only achieve this through God's grace bestowed by the Holy Spirit. May we all borrow a leaf from Great Women of old such as: Blessed Virgin Mary, Naomi, Deborah, Queen Esther and the list goes on.
    Let us celebrate true love. Happy International Women's day.

  5. Lovely. This year's IWD taught me to take women more seriously, to become more aware of the struggles of females in whatever age and to promote more, reasonale causes for women.

  6. Amaka I am very proud of you for taking the initiative. My dear sister, kudos to you! It's like you know what I am passionate about. This is what we women need. I for one, am glad that there is one more convert - we really do need to treat each better. With regard to the issue of equality with men - I totally agree with you that we can never be equals - and it's not about superiority or inferiority but the fact that we are simply different...end of!!! We are there to complement each other.
    Well done and I declare that I will celebrate you! Good on you girl. Jide ka iji my love ��

  7. Yes ooh well said women will always b women i remember when i relocated to enugu the people who my husband introduced me to that were suppose to show me around n help me out wre so nasty they wouldnt want to show me whre i could get maternity wears or get a nanny but these were the same women tat if u go to their houses they kip changing nannies i had a terrible experience..... but i rose above it all it was infact those i met on my own tat helped me out..... Moral of the story always help out no body knows tomorrow

  8. Happy Women's Day!! To all the sisters out there, holding down jobs, family, relationships, businesses etc. You guys ROCK! ✌🏾

  9. This is a beautiful piece and I hope we all learn from it. It is good to be meek and humble just like Our Mother Mary ...Mother of JESUS.
    I am proud to be a beautiful WOMAN!
    Weldone Amaka Nwosisi!

    Happy International Women's Day!

  10. Amaka I am asking what you said the women should notvask you. Since I am male biko who is superior and Iga aza this ajuju if not alu eme

  11. There are nasty people on both ends of the scale : male and female. There are men who won't "give you space" in traffic because you are a woman; there are men who sleep with their brother's wives etc.
    Female empowerment and fight for equality is more structural than personal. It's about pay gap; it's about men still making more than money for doing the same job; it's about men getting promoted over women; it's about all the ways women are treated as inferior.
    Women need to treat each other as sisters, have each other's back but that conversation, together with the conversation can happen together. They are not mutually exclusive but they are separate issues.
    Thanks for writing. I enjoy reading your thoughts

  12. A great post Amaka.
    A must read for every woman

  13. Thanks sis. Heaven bless you richly.

  14. Wow!.. I love dz.. God bless u ma'am. Thanks for being sincere.

  15. Wow!.. I love dz.. God bless u ma'am. Thanks for being sincere.

  16. Let's be Logical.

    It's embarrassing the way some women address other women in public. How can we be so mean and hateful but still cry for gender equality. WhAt does it cost to just ignore . It just shows the kind of creature we are. I am Sorry that men knows this weakness and have to relate to us like that.

    Our words should lift people up not destroy. Negativity destroys and breed hate. For all positive and supportive women kudos to Keep glowing in life.

    Most of these negative bullies are people that can't be determined enough to live this lifestyle.

    For those that cannot understand what hate does to a person. those that make STATEMENTS like it's a Lie, she thinks she is beautiful, her own is too much, she is over sabi, she is just a snob, bitch, whore hmmmmmmm heal is real!!!!!

    Finally pls dont let haters discourage you from being nice to other women rather Let them be your motivation. I want to be a better woman. Thanks Amaka for the write up.

    Let us KEEP our Dream Alive.

  17. Dangerous stereotype. It creates suspicion and lends credibility to popularly held belief that the woman is innately sinister, living only to benefit the self.

    If anyone is narcissistic to the level described, they will need psychiatric help! If we believe this of ourselves, no wonder.

  18. Just got around to reading this, very insightful words. We should all try as women to uplift each other, sometimes affirmation from another woman goes a longer way than affirmation from a man because you realise that the woman has been where you are and for them to give you that pat on the back they must really believe you are doing great!

  19. Woman's inhumanity to woman to me depends on individual and nt in all cases, because I hv come across a whole lot of women who stand as pillars to see their fellow women excel and you are just one of such.

  20. Before now, I have been wondering why many women deal with other ruthlessly without finding an answer. One that pained me most was the pain a younger pregnant woman had to go through when she was writing her M.Eng Thesis IN UNIPORT. Her supervisor was an elder woman, a pastor in one of the pentecostal churches. Listening to the lady's story of pain, I almost cried.
    From her place of work in Eleme, she would drive a long distance to another another end of the garden city to see this almighty supervisor on appointment. Sometimes, this supervisor will just tell her that she was going to church, that she should return the next day, and all that.

    Amaka's write up just recovered that woman's story of pain from my medulla. This is one among the many stories of of 'woman's inhumanity to woman' I have come across.

    Kudos Amaka

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