Seventeen Whole Years

On our wedding day

How do I begin to write about spending seventeen years with a man? If I add the unofficial years, it will be twenty. 

I was young and a little bit naïve when I met Victor in very unusual circumstances. It was love at first sight for him but not for me. I know this because he immediately started the chasing as a “sharp guy” and I genuinely kept turning him down.

Not because I didn’t like him but because I was just being careful and never gave dating him any much thought. Just when he had given up on me, fate brought us together again. My sister Ezioma had moved to Lagos and I was visiting her; on that day, I missed my flight to Enugu and had to go back to my sister's. As I lay on her bed feeling really bad and thinking of my trip the following day, Victor came.

He had come with his friend who was visiting Ezioma, he heard my voice as I called out to my sister’s friend who is now a brother in law and the excitement he showed at seeing me again was very flattering.

He just didn’t stop talking and succeeded in taking me out to lunch and afterwards to “see” where he lived. Lol!

I left for Enugu the following day and was prepared to forget everything about this guy who was able to show me in one day that he wanted me all his life (please don’t ask me how).

Before I got home from the airport in Enugu, he had called our 042 number over ten times according to my cousin. Cellular phones in those days were limited to the “big boys” and since I did not have one there was no way of reaching me to find out that the Triax airline was delayed.

After I got back to Enugu, Victor and I spoke everyday till I went back to school (I still wonder how we survived in Nigeria without mobile phones in those days).

Earlier years

I did not speak to Victor again till I had a short break which I spent in my sister’s house in Onitsha. By that time, I had started to miss speaking to him and so I called him from the landline as soon as I arrived Onitsha.

The first thing he said to me was that he wanted to see me. I jokingly said to him, “I am in your hometown for a week so you can come”. Victor called me the following day and told me that he was in Onitsha, furthermore, he said he was in front of the house which I did not believe till I saw him. Later on I learnt that the strategy he used on me was always a big hit for him with the ladies. Haha! I fell for it totally.

On that day, he asked me certain questions which I answered as openly as possible and afterwards, he said to me that we should start a relationship, in his words, “I am now your boyfriend and you are my girlfriend, deal?” The rest they say is history.

Just before we got married, Victor said to mother that he would take good care of me and I must say that he has kept every bit of that promise. I wonder why he didn’t promise not to be so annoying sometimes. Lol! Aren’t they all?

We have had many ups and downs, been through a lot of challenges, seen the good, the bad and the ugly sides of life yet we stand. We have quarrelled, argued for Africa and accused each other of hurting the other, yet we stay unbroken. 

We have laughed together; we have danced and also cried in the rain just so no one would see our tears. We have learnt a lot from each other and he has taught me to be naughty too. 

Victor and I do not need a third party to settle things between us, we argue this moment (I can be a stubborn goat) but the very next minute we are laughing at something or someone or discussing a totally different thing.

We have grown above certain rules of marriage some of which are;

Rule 1. Never go to bed angry – when we are angry at each other, Victor dozes off very easily and leaves me to argue with my pillow. We wake up the next day and don’t remember why we had a fight the night before.

Rule 2. Always say “I am sorry” – Like I mentioned, Victor and I do not remember why we even have to say sorry.

Rule 3. Avoid the blame game – he blames me and I blame him. In the end we find a balance.

Rule 4. Be honest – we try in this regard but we have learnt to keep from each other what will not help the blood pressure. However, we both know when we are hiding the truth from each other. If it will hurt me keep it and if it will hurt you I will keep it. (If you do not understand this, ask me. lol!)

Rule 5. Listen without judging – Hmm.., Victor will not wait for me to finish before he tells me how I don’t usually think before acting and I don’t wait for him to finish his story before I start to tell him that he makes the same mistake over and over again. The important thing is that we still help each other get over our challenges.

If Victor could pluck me a star just to make me happy he would do it, if I complain of being fat, he buys all my favourite things to eat and I can bite your ear if you dare disrespect my Onitsha man.

If you fight him, you have a second enemy in me and I take over his battles much to his annoyance because I take the fight to a whole new level. 

If I had to walk this path again, it would be with him because he is super good. The only time I feel like breaking his head is when he gets stubborn over certain issues and refuses vehemently to change his opinion. If I remove just that, then Victor is perfect for me. 

Today makes it seventeen whole years of staying married and I wish us many more beautiful years in good health of mind and body and like my Springforth Mom’s group will say; Many more years of explosive Altar Calls! Can I get an Amen?

BTW, thanks to an amazing friend who reminded us of our anniversary today.  Yes, Victor and I forgot our own special day. Hehehe!