Do me I do you

Sommy married Ted who had been her boyfriend for close to one year. This hurdle which had been a dicey one was finally out of the way and Sommy looked forward to a life of bliss with her husband.

It was first a slap when she asked him why he came back home late. She went to bed sobbing but could hardly sleep, she was certain that her jaw had shifted for she was in pains.

In the morning Ted was kneeling and begging and blaming the unfortunate incident on excessive alcohol.

He drove her to the hospital and all through that day, he pampered her with so much love and affection and by evening when she was strong enough, he made love to her slowly and very passionately. Yes! This was the affectionate and romantic man that she married. With her eyes closed and breathing heavily under him, she praised God for blessing her with Ted.

Of course it did not stop there, he beat her again and again and asked for her forgiveness intimately each time. After he pushed her to the wall which made to pass out for about seven minutes, she told herself that "woman must not live on make up sex alone" The marriage lasted only three years.

Gelly and Phil were on their honeymoon; it was the first Saturday after their wedding and while Gelly made breakfast, someone suddenly pulled her her hair. At first she thought it was some kind of love play, but when Phil dragged her by the hair all the way to the bathroom to show her that the toilet was not flushed well, she knew that the handshake had extended to the elbow.

Her period suddenly started that morning, she wiped after peeing and flushed but there was still a bit of tissue with washed up blood stain on it, she was still going to come flush it again but wanted to treat her new groom to breakfast in bed.

It was their first time of staying together and he was her first lover. She cried throughout the day, Phil left her all by herself and went to spend the day with his friends. The US was a second home to Phil, it was Gelly's first time there; there wasn't much to do in their self catering hotel room and with no access to a phone, she cried herself to sleep. Phil got back to the hotel in the morning. The marriage ended after the honey moon.

Tanny suffered several beatings from the man she took an oath to cherish and to hold in good times and bad times. She wasn't sure if what she suffered was part of the bad times. When she was bad according to him, he would take her to a cheap hotel, pay for a room, lock her in there and then take the key away.

Tanny would be locked up for two days without food, sometimes he would come after the two days and either raped or beat her some more.

On one of such horrible days, he was pressed to take a leak, he forgot to lock the door after him and Tanny had pretended to be too weak. As soon as he went in to use the restroom, Tanny took to her heels, she ran barefoot all the way, she took nothing with her and has never looked back. They were married three years.

Domestic violence has come to stay. Thankfully, the three women lived to tell their stories. Several others die before they get a chance to walk away.  If he beats you, please leave him at once.

It is better to be alive and single than to be married but dead. Parents please pay attention, your daughter may need your help to fight an abuse.

Parents of sons like me please teach your sons that it is uncool to hit a woman.

I understand that some women are evil but a man should rather walk away, it's even easier in Nigeria where a man can send a woman packing out of their matrimonial home. If she provokes you to the extent of beating her please send her away. It can never be okay to hit a woman, if you do you'll lose the case.

By beating, I mean slapping, kicking, boxing and pushing around like you are dealing with a fellow man. That is totally unacceptable!  Slapping a badly behaved woman mildly to call her to order once in your marriage is not bad but if she slaps you too to call you to order just remember that it is a case of "do me I do you"

(Please note that fictitious names have been used for privacy sake)


  1. Apart from Domestic violence we have emotional abuse and financial abuse!

  2. If you are a victim in Lagos State contact the Domestic & Sexual Violence Response Team under the Ministry of Justice for a restraining order or prosecution of an abuser. The wind of change has come and perpetrators of this are no longer going Scot free. Praise the Lord!

  3. For the fact that cases of nagging, arrogance and pride were not found in those three incidents,those men were just being wicked and barbaric. It's very unfortunate for the girls involved

  4. Even if the person nags or full of arrogance and all, the man has no right to beat a woman period.

  5. To all the women, if possible be career oriented & be financially independent so you don't have to be in an abusive relationship. Am saying this because I've seen some abusive relationship where the woman is stuck due to her dependence on the man.

  6. Beating a woman is something that i do not condone, and needless to say, i have little respect for men that hit women. That notwithstanding, a handful of men suffer domestic violence/abuse aswell.
    If you domestic abuse, do not think because he's said sorry that its ok. Talk to somebody

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